The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
