my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
