I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
