That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im six kinds of drunk right now
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
