It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
