I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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