Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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