As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
