you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
