she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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