Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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