I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
