I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
