There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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