Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
