That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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