Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
