I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
