I am full of burrito and curiosity
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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