And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
