well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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