He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
