Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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