I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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