Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
