Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
