My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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