I cockslap morals
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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