That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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