i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
