I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
