Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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