We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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