We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Everclear isn't food dammit
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
