Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I wear drunk well.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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