Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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