he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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