I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
