I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
