I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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