I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
