Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
