1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he thought i was a dude.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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