I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize