I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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