Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
