FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
