It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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