You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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