Dual....:-)
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
