i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
