We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
