I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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