porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
