I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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