Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
