Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize