And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
