i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
