I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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