Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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