I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
