i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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