just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
